take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
