There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
