Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
