Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
