She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
