Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
