god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
