So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
