Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
