My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
