I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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