there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
