FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
