I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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