Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
