8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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