sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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