My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
