he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
