I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
