My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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