I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
