you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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