I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
