Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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