Some one left their pants in the elevator.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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