id be glad to
I just pynch a tree in the face
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
