physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
