Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
