Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
