The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
