I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
