If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
