It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
