He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
