I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
