She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
