i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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