Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
