He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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