Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
