is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Terrible idea I love it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
