Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she told me i tasted like america
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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