paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
