Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
