there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
