I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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