Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
