You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
