I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
