he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
