I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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