he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize