I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
