I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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