Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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