i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
