Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just blew my weed a kiss
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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