tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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