I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
