Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
