By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
