Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
