i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
