Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
