The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize