Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
