We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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