***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
