you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
