yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
