So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
