My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
