i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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