plz talk dirty to me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
