the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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