Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
