Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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