He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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