If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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