i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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