That's intense
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
